I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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