I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
