He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
