you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
