i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
