I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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