oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
