i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
