I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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