I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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