haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
