Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
