I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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