I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
