he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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