my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Life is so much better after having sex.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just googled if crying burns calories
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
