I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
