I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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