I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
