So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
