I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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