Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I forget how to act sober
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
