So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
