make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
