I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Randomize
