If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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