her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
