Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
