I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
