I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He called his prostate his "boner button".
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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