just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
