glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
