I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
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Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
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He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize