Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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