I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
