If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
