I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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