Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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