I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
