Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
