i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Two words: blizzard sex
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
