hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
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I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
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Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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