first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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