if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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