friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
