have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
