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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
false alarm. still invincible.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.