thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED