just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.