You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it