they're staring at me
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan