remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
