She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
