I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
