the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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