New low: just hacked my moms facebook
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
