like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
