Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
