i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
