Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
