So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
