No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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