there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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