Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
