Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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