you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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