I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
