I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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