barbara walters just said penis...
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
