I wish I only lived at night.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
