I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He felt like a one man threesome
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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