idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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