she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
