woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
