mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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