She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
