Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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