dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
