Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
