Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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