I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
