Nicole vs. Life
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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