Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
